ABCs of Living Sensibly

If you want a sturdy stool that can be used anywhere, build it with 3 legs. It will be stable on uneven surfaces and won’t wobble.

Three legs make a stable, sensible life with alcohol work, as well: Abstinence, Balance, and Consciousness.

Abstinence

Alcohol-free days are good for balance, good for health, in many contexts:

• When our path is long-term abstinence.
• When moderate drinking is our target, and we’re integrating non-drinking days into each week.
• When few or none of our days are alcohol-free, and we’re figuring out how to frame a DAFT day as something positive to do for ourselves (instead of something to do without).

(Note: If a day without alcohol triggers withdrawal symptoms, get appropriate medical care ASAP. Left untreated, withdrawal can kill.)

For me, abstinent days aren’t about being somber, grown-up, or even disciplined. They can be joyful (or not), contented (or not quite), but most of all they are ordinary, familiar, and more focused on what I’m doing than what I’m not doing.

Balance

Healthy balance relates to how we think about alcohol as well as what we do or don’t do with it. It can include:

• A full life — friendships, activities, interests — much of which doesn’t include alcohol or focus on it.
• Alcohol-free days liberally scattered through half or more of the calendar.
• Moderate, responsible drinking zero-4 days per week.
• Planning, but not obsessing about, drinking and abstaining.

(See MM’s site for a more complete description of a moderate drinker.)

Balance is not always possible.

• Initial steps toward a balanced life often require a phase of focus and energy that may not feel natural, normal, or balanced at first.
• Athletes who play professionally or reach for the Olympics have generally spent time compulsively building their strength and skill.
• Musicians, physicians, attorneys, and nurses spend a phase of their lives being obsessively devoted to their training.
• Grief or trauma, as well, can thrust us out of balance for a season and into survival mode, focusing exclusively on managing the crisis of the moment.

Hyper-focus is generally not sustainable over the long term, though. Balance is healthy, and when live in extremes our brains and bodies will often find ways to force us toward more sensible, sustainable habits.

Consciousness

And, it’s not just what we do that keeps life in balance, it’s how we frame it for ourselves. In order to integrate abstinence and balance, we need to be aware, intentional, realistic, and prepared.

In every life there are days and seasons in which life is neither tidy nor neatly controlled. The forces which kept things orderly the day or season prior fail, and we’re challenged to regroup, refine our skills, adjust our expectations, and reprioritize.

The essential tasks here are:

• Taking frank and honest stock of our status quo and how it fits (or contradicts) where we’d like to be.
• Gathering relevant information and assessing our options.
• Getting appropriate professional care and peer support.
• Setting reasonable targets for moving forward.
• Planning for contingencies.
• Reducing harm.

Isn’t one good leg enough?

Critical thinkers may ponder the 3-legged stool and say “Baloney! An abstainer has nothing to gain from harm reduction.” I’d suggest that awareness and use of all 3 concepts can benefit any of us.

1. But, what if I’m a long-time abstainer?
   • Are my contingency plans in place for severe cravings? What harm reduction options might be helpful in dulling the effects of a worst-case scenario?
   • How’s my balance? Am I content with the energy I’m investing in living sensibly without alcohol is sufficient? Not overly obsessive?
2. But, I’m a stable 2-a-day drinker! Why abstain?
   • Does my mental balance tip toward being distracted by thoughts of drinking at a given time each day?
   • Could adding DAFT days into the calendar on a regular basis add flexibility and skills to my personal toolbox?
3. But, I tend to binge — attempting to drink moderately doesn’t work for me.
   • Even if it’s not my immediate goal, eventually I may want a life that is broader than a focus on alcohol issues.
   • If I am not hitting my abstinence target consistently, harm reduction (such as blocking options to drive under the influence, or reducing the frequency and severity of binges) may bridge me over to long-term abstinence.

Bottom line: Three legs = Stability

Long-term stability doesn’t come from holding life perfectly static, because that’s simply not possible. Agility and adaptability — like that which comes from abstinence, balance, and consciousness — are the keys to holding things steady when the normal twists and turns of life cause the ground beneath us to shift or tilt.