Martin's Alcoholic Diary

Martin, a 30-something guy in the vicinity of Manchester, England, has been writing a diary of his journey with alcoholism since October, 2002.

He has mentioned his drinking history prior to getting inpatient treatment in June 2002, but not dwelt not on it. Dire circumstances precipitated the hospitalization, which led to 10 weeks of sobriety.

Early months: Alcoholism as a battle

True to his introductory words about living with alcoholism being a battle, the early journal entries recounted 4-10 drinking episodes in each month from November 2002 through March 2003. Sometimes he journaled while sipping the first glass of wine; other times he recounted having drunk 2 bottles (occasionally more) a day or two afterward. Some drinking incidents, like the single glass during Christmas lunch, were less substantial and others, like those in March, were heavier and occurred on consecutive days.

Throughout it all Martin seems grounded in the need to get good care. He talks about staying in touch with his GP to coordinate anti-depressant dosage and monitor side effects, and about having a good relationship with his company doctor. When drinking incidents seemed to accelerate in March 2003, he got back in touch with the treatment facility and returned for a 3-week inpatient stay ending in early April, and continued with its aftercare program.

A full spectrum: Good life amidst the challenges

By his own account, he has sustained a rich, productive life along the way. He and his partner have had a new home built, moving in a year ago. His young daughters are the light and joy of his life. His employer has adapted, if begrudgingly at times, to his health care needs. The relationship with his partner has seen ups and downs, yet some of its dark moments have turned out to be not as severe as they first seemed to him.

The stresses have been real, as well. The relationship with his ex-wife can be contentious, turning life upside-down on top of the trials that come with being a noncustodial parent. The drinking strains the relationship with his partner, whose career-related challenges have surged at times. Conflicts with members of the extended families, familiar to many gay couples, tend to spike around holidays and celebrations of milestones.

Turning point: Second round of treatment?

The second treatment episode, ending in early April 2003, seems to mark a turning point. Prior to it there were fairly regular cravings, little mention of aftercare at the treatment facility, regular attendance at AA meetings, and 4-10 days in each of the five preceding months during which he drank. For the year beginning in late March 2003, there was only one day on which drinking occurred (a single glass of wine), heavy involvement in aftercare at the facility, fewer mentions of cravings, and a tapering back of anti-depressant dosage for a while in the fall.

Things got a little more challenging in April of this year, with 3 drinking days, and drinking has come into the picture on 6 days total from May through August.

Overall trend: Up

There appears to be a positive trend over the past two years:

Martin still describes a significant gap between where he is and where he intends to be. Keeping 95% of his days alcohol-free is noticeably better his past, but the drinking days remain disruptive to his health, his relationships, and his peace of mind. The fact remains, though, that the 17 months since April 2003 have been 98% alcohol-free.

October 2003: One glass

Seven months after the start of the second inpatient treatment, Martin bought wine and drank a glass. Finding the experience to be very distressing, he consulted the folks at the facility and elected to get relapse-related care from them on an outpatient basis over the next 10 weeks or so. Also working closely with his GP, his antidepressant dosage was adjusted, and he followed his doctor’s orders to focus on self-care, away from work, for two weeks in December.

Many phases, multiple choices and solutions

The powerful thing about Martin’s story, to me, is the reminder that dealing with alcohol-related issues is a dynamic affair. From the outside, it may look like a lot of folks find recovery through an awakening that puts life on an entirely new plane, but even for those whose recovery journeys appear placid and peaceful the path has often been rocky.

His path has included working with treatment folks, peer support from AA, and leaning on sponsors for guidance. He’s worked with Acamprosate and tried out dietary options. Some aspects of the disease concept have appeared baffling at times, but he also has asked questions (about powerlessness, for example) and gotten answers that have been helpful.

The battle remains for him. Cravings spike, and frustrations sprout on good days and bad. Being a work in progress isn’t just an addiction thing, though, it’s a life thing. For so many issues, resolution comes from a process instead of a one-time result.

Martin’s journal shows a lot of tenacity — a steadiness about continuing to engage in the recovery journey amidst questions and challenges — as well as in choosing to do so publicly. Week in, week out, he has kept coming back to talk a little bit more about where things are at. Sometimes it draws feedback that may feel a bit intrusive, but he keeps listening.

It could have been a lot easier to give it up when questions came up about his family reading it, or when things have not gone well. I admire him tremendously for sticking with it, for giving voice to a recovery path that seems to be headed in a positive direction.

This is a good guy, a fighter, a thoughtful dad, a real person. There is much for me to learn from him.

Thanks heaps for that rundown. i always find other people's journeys in recovery to be fascinating and empowering. Thanks for posting it.

Glad to see you back, Bose!

Great rundown on Martin's struggle, I keep up with his journal day to day now, but aside from a few forays into his archives, didn't know the history.

I too have a deep respect for his journaling about his journey...it is SO VERY HARD for me to write after I've screwed up...the guilt and shame makes it nearly impossible for me to write about what I've gone through at the very time when I need to do it most.

I think it's so easy to lose sight of the big picture in our own lives even when we've made great forward strides.

I'd just been following Martin since May or thereabouts myself, and so it had been easy to assume that the most recent months were roughly representative of the nearly two years he's been writing. It was cool finding that he's had a full year with only one blip and that the most recent months, though not yet optimal in his eyes, are well ahead of some in the past.

That is a tremendous reduction in harm, it seems to me. I've got some more stuff to talk about related to harm reduction, but Martin is a living example of it.

Bose,

Many thanks for bringing Martin's journey to us. I was saddened today to read of his rapid downward spiral. I hope the Priory is able to help him turn things around.

I'm really glad that Martin is staying in touch with professional caregivers and insisting on escalating his expectations of treatment professionals in response to escalating problems.

The thing I'm most concerned about is that he might benefit from, but may not know that he has the option to, seek out other treatment options.

As a layperson, I can't assess his specific problems or recommend what is best for him. As a health care advocate, though, I can challenge folks in circumstances like his to hold their caregivers accountable for fully informing them of their options.

Since not all treatment approaches require clients to declare their powerlessness, and evidence suggests that some of those that are not based on powerlessness are as effective or moreso than those that are, a person in Martin's shoes should be able to insist, "This approach isn't working for me. What else is available?"

The same goes for pharmaceutical options. Martin has spoken of using Acamprosate, but hasn't mentioned any benefits from it. Folks in his position have every right to ask, "Was a sufficient dosage prescribed? What about Naltrexone? Topiramate?"

It is no different from cancer patients who find that radiation is not working -- they are smart to insist on exploring chemotherapy and surgical options, especially if their primary caregivers appear to be uninformed or unconcerned about all available options.

Questions,
Looking for advise,
My husband and I like to drink :-)
the problem is he likes to drink in the morning, sneak it, before work etc, you get the picture.
He can quit for months as we have done on many occasions. Then we start drinking again, first once a week then twice then everyday, and when we drink everyday, he lose control and the sneaking starts again.
The problem is we like to drink, we have no problems with money or fighting, just no control. So I have been reading about Revia, so my plan is no drinking through the week, and only on weekends if there is an occasion and he takes Revia,,,,do you think It will work or am I fooling myself.
Suggestions please.

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