Online Support: Not Just Vapor

Can internet-based contacts really make a difference once folks walk away from their keyboards? They did for me in 2000 when I connected with other folks from Moderation Management (MM). During my first period of abstinence, I reported my challenges and discoveries to my friends in the group. Knowing that I wasn’t going it alone, and wanting to report progress, often helped me to stay on track. When things didn’t turn out well, I could review what happened and get ideas for setting new priorities from the group; when things went well, I never celebrated alone.

This weekend, another MM member put that principle to work. He wrote to the group just before heading out for the weekend and again after his return, and was good enough to let me share his thoughts here.

He started out sounding hopeful and conscious of the weekend’s challenges, yet not exactly confident:

From: MNE
To: MM Email List
Sent: Friday, August 13, 2004 10:29 AM
Subject: [MM]Weekend challenge

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Hi all who wants to read!
This weekend will be a challenge for me.

I am traveling somewhere and will meet a lot of people and can’t really escape the situation. It will be expected to celebrate and having a great party. But at this very moment I DON’T WANT to drink at all. Not even moderate or even taste anything with alcohol in it. It’s a little hard to deal with because I am dealing with following:

1. If I say to everyone that I won’t drink or I’m cutting down, maybe they will think I am a drunk and I will get into the situation to explain why I don’t want to drink. Especially since I usually never really say no.
2. I just can’t see the point of drinking at this time. I have purchased a new membership at a gym, and after slipping 1½ weeks ago into one night of heavy drinking, only to go back into the gym after that and feel GREAT! At this point I feel absolutely healthy and great!
3. I have naturally started a completely new life after moving to a city about a month ago. After arriving here it’s been more natural to break or at least identify old patterns of not being healthy. I do have better sleeping and eating patterns and as a matter of fact, I do drink less! I even got myself a new girlfriend and she doesn’t drink especially much. But when we do share a bottle of wine, those moments of drinking at all I want to have with her. The rest of the time I don’t really want to drink “by habit”.

But I want to move to the next “health” - level. I want to continue going to the gym. I want to do a 30 day abs and just stay healthy with eating and sleeping patterns. I feel so damn much better.

Ok, I should go. First off to the gym. Then having a lunch, then getting away to see a lot of relatives and other people seeing how this weekend turns out to be.

Thanks for listening

MNE

But, listen to the difference a weekend makes:

From: MNE
Sent: Monday, August 16, 2004 2:11 AM
To: MM Email List
Subject: Re: [MM]Weekend challenge - YES, YES!!!

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Hi all you who replied to my original posting!

It was great to come home to read mail on late Sunday night. I appreciate each one of the replies, and each one is something to keep in mind!

And the weekend…? Well;

Friday: Writing here to MM-list about the fear of the weekend. Then heading off for the gym. Then into the car getting off, driving for 5 hours. Did I drink on Friday night? Nooooo! Did I want to drink on Friday night? Nooooo. Did anyone mind me not drinking or even questioning it? Nooooo! Did I feel great? Yessssss! Did I have a great time? Yesssss!

Saturday: There was a ceremony in church during the day and in the evening the beer, wine and food was a fact. Did I drink? Well yes; 1½ beers during the entire evening! Which was exactly the amount of beer I enjoyed, then I said no to any more. Did anyone get bothered? Nooooo.

Sunday: No hang-over. Just feeling great! Then driving home, meeting up with my new girlfriend. Enjoying the evening together and ending up having great sex. Still very sober and no wishes to drink (didn’t really think of alcohol..)!

After all, the weekend challenge wasn’t that hard. It was very easy! But that is because of being able to lean on you people on this list while being off. When traveling off on Friday I just knew that there are others out there getting similar challenges - I am not alone. And for now this is the third major break of pattern within two weeks!

THANK YOU for being there!!!!!!!

MNE

Feeling reticent about talking through drinking problems is not unusual in any peer support group. The reluctance to open up is reinforced, for a lot of MM folks, by the suggestion that detailed planning or rule-setting is a problem, not a solution.

Obsessing publicly about diet, exercise, weight, physique, and an assortment of other health-related habits is widely accepted. The leading tabloids’ tracking of Oprah Winfrey’s weight is echoed by Oprah’s comments about how the discipline of daily workouts can be a struggle, not something that happens naturally. When it comes to drinking, though, folks in MM often have to reconcile with a curious cultural paradox — that putting forth the effort to create healthy habits might be considered suspect, or at the extremes, a “selfish, weak excuse to avoid the ugly face of alcoholism.”

Against that backdrop, online community-building often delivers the simplest, yet most profound result: Convinced that we are not going it alone, we empower ourselves to take small but decisive steps forward.