February 10, 2004
Ambivalence
From the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary:
noun
- Simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings (as attraction and repulsion) toward an object, person, or action
- a : continual fluctuation (as between one thing and its opposite) b : uncertainty as to which approach to follow
For some, ambivalence is synonymous with being uncommitted, doubtful, unconscious of, or hiding from one’s problems — the second definition.
In facing issues related to drinking, many of us learn to value our ambivalence in the context of the first definition. We treat it as an earthy, grounded, conscious place to be, opening us up to looking honestly at the good, the bad, and the neutral aspects of alcohol in our lives.
During my first abs in 2000, I spent time examining my relationship with alcohol. I had been hesitant to admit that there are things I really enjoy about drinking, worried that such an admission might be proof of dependence on alcohol.
Embracing my ambivalence meant fully appreciating both the benefits and drawbacks of different kinds of drinking experiences, and that enjoying the benefits didn’t mean that I was denying the drawbacks.
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