Introducing Bose

My friends call me Bose,

short for my last name, Boese (rhymes with Rosie). I’m Steve, and I’m in my mid-40s.

I’m a freelance writer based in Washington DC. I spent my adult life in Iowa until 2002, working mostly in technical areas (computer analysis and programming) mixed with tech writing and training delivery. I dabble in a bit of music (piano plunking, songwriting), enjoy dialoguing on challenging personal and cultural issues, and love to travel as my budget allows.

In 2000, my drinking habits had moved into uncomfortable territory. Too many mornings found me waking with dry eyes, a pasty mouth, a fuzzy brain, and 6-8 (occasionally more) empty beer cans stacked in the kitchen. I’d resolve to cut back, or skip a few days, but converting that morning resolve into evening results was another story.

It wasn’t for lack of warning or trepidation on my part:

• My dad’s quarter-century of heavy daily drinking had cost him — and my relationship with him — dearly.
• My best friend, Brian, had struggled with the effects of 6-10 severe binges per year for a decade.
• I had attended a few Al-Anon meetings years earlier, and didn’t want my drinking to escalate any further.

And yet, attempts to change my drinking patterns hadn’t really gotten me anywhere, either. I didn’t feel powerless — I took full responsibility for my choices, even though they weren’t all working for me — nor was I in denial about this not being a healthy long-term pattern.

I had found the tools and techniques I needed previously to deal with everything from episodes of depression to building my own kitchen. It seemed to me that the tools and techniques for changing my drinking patterns ought to be out there, too, but I wasn’t finding them.

Discovering Moderation Management

In June of 2000, I learned for the first time about Moderation Management (MM). I met a lot of folks in MM’s online groups who were exploring pragmatic, self-directed options for making substantive changes in their habits.

One of the MM recommendations was that abstaining for 30 days could open the door to fresh insights. MMers had used that time to look at what triggered their desire to drink, as well as develop new skills in situations where they were accustomed to drinking.

Thirty days without a beer sounded OK, but long. I had done one- and two-week stints independently (usually intending them to be longer), but found abstaining to be a challenge.

After listening to folks in a couple of MM email groups (this one and this one), I decided to take a stab at it.

There were challenges along the way, but a couple weeks into that first abs I was finding it easier (a relief of sorts) to be leaving alcohol behind for a while. The 30 days stretched into more than 3 months.

A beginning, not a cure

I’ll talk more about my journey as we move forward, but for me that period of abs was an important beginning. It’s not that being abstinent for a while was a magic bullet that erased the challenges I faced. It’s not that it prevented me from doing not-so-smart things forever afterward. It was a start, and a very important one.

Prior to July 2000 when I started that abs, I had relatively few alcohol-free days and not too many light (1- or 2-drink) days.

Since then, well over half of my days have been alcohol-free and when I drink, the majority of my days and weeks have fallen within reasonable limits.

One of many options

Even more significant than finding MM was finding out out that it was just one of several great options.

Moderation Management promises that it won’t work for everybody, noting that some 30% of the folks who try it ultimately opt to pursue long-term abstinence.

Not knowing whether moderating would ultimately be a good fit for me, I found it reassuring in my early days knowing that I could shift to abstinence if I needed to later. I wasn’t ruling out a 12-step option, but for me the 12 steps run counter to my intuition and the sorts of problem-solving techniques that had worked for me.

Ultimately about living, not drinking or abstaining

The changes that I’ve made run deeper than merely drinking less. I have more energy and ability to do things that matter to me. I relax and celebrate in any number of ways that don’t require a drink.

The words “Live Sensibly” in the site’s logo are splashier than “with alcohol” for good reason. For folks reading this site with a text browser, I use parentheses: “Live Sensibly (with alcohol)”. It could just as easily say “without alcohol”.

My goal is to live, and live well, first. To the extent that alcohol fits in with a balanced and healthy life, great! And, to the extent it gets in the way of having a decent, sensible life, I’m determined to leave it behind.

Man oh MAN, do I love this blog.

Bose says: I didn’t feel powerless — I took full responsibility for my choices, even though they weren’t all working for me — nor was I in denial about this not being a healthy long-term pattern.

And I say, exactly! That's the biggest problem I have with 12-step programs, I am not powerless to stop drinking or control my drinking, I choose to drink, I choose how much to drink and I choose how long to drink. I can also choose not to drink, whatever means I use to help with that choice. And besides, drinking isn't about Power anyways, it about personal responsibility. My higher power doesn't get put in jail for a DUI, I do. Because it's my life, my responsibility, my choice.

steve -

i believe you just wrote to me at MM and i found your URL in another positing.
i love this site! this is going to be very helpful for me, and i want to thank you in advance (and currently, of course).

i live in san francisco and am a writer.

i will return to spend more time here.

thanks again for your hard work and inspirtation.

donna

Nice site. thanks.

Some people have the will power to stop and some don't. If
you really want a cure god can help. It might sound crazy but it works.